That ghost in the corner,
always alone in the corner,
quiet with a thousand yard stare
into nothing but the television.
A television playing old, grainy films
of which all the actors and actresses themselves are now ghosts as well.
Only rarely did this ghost allow me
to cuddle up beside him,
and come to know all the films
are too old for me to watch
and appreciate as a young boy.
This ghostly father of mine,
rarely spoke to his own family.
This ghost, who at dinnertime,
would sit alone and watch television.
This reticent ghost and I
would go out sometimes to eat,
only for nothing to be said.
He would stare silently.
This lonely ghost
did not push me into sports as a kid.
In first grade, I went to basketball tryouts,
and scared, I begged to leave,
and my ghost of a father said yes!
And my ghost of a father
never again pushed me
to be in any way active outside.
Damm the man! Damn him!
I would have been a basketball player
to high school varsity star!
I would never have been a ghost myself!
(sighs) But some good came of it,
I learned to read much
and write frequently
starting around age ten.
Then, I wrote song lyrics.
Then progressed to poetry.
After that the short story.
And now, I attempt the novel!
While creating villainous fathers
in my work, I always imagine my father.
His stone-cut face and blinkless stare.
And the wordlessness! (Sobbing)
I understand we do not choose our fathers.
But he was supposed to lead by example!
He’s still alive, and I haven’t spoken to him.
A ghost he forever will be to me!
I had a similar experience with my father.
It’s took me decades to understand his silence
But like you somewhere down the line I found a pen that allowed me to write and I never looked back.
Years later after so much need that went unanswered I finally made peace with his silence. He loved his family, he just wasn’t vocal for for whatever reasons. On my wedding day he did speak a loving dedication to my wife and I. I carry that in my heart.
He was a fine father now gone 26 years. I think of him everyday and when I need guidance I find him on my shoulder with silent wisdom.
I wish you godspeed, if he’s alive there’s perhaps still time Daniel
No Judgments
BIG LIKE your write ✍
Daniel, this both beautiful and sad. I’m so sorry your father felt like a ghost to you. For me, it was my mother who dropped the ball at motherhood. She pushed my father away from us children. He was a good man, but she wouldn’t allow me to get to know him.
Think about this, bad things happen sometimes to push us forward, to make us stretch and grow. I believe you have, Daniel.
Thank you, Alexandia. And growing even still! Hehe
We can’t choose family or how they treat or respond to us. I have 2 parents guilty of not being the parents I needed. I agree with PS and Alexandria.
Keep doing you, Daniel🌺
Writing is the best thing I’ve ever done. I will surely keep doing me as it is more powerful than any medication.