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poolside suicide

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I’ve died here before
under the heat of the sun
blood pourin into the groves
where my name still lays
carved into pavement
barely visible
I remember fadin out
turnin feelins into colors
rich reds
achin blues
til they poured from my ears
into nothin but grey
the clickin inside my skull
sounded like a song
like bones snappin to a rhythm
a lullaby of endin
that drowned out the cold
I begged the world to let me be
I whispered it
screamed it
choked on it
til my throat went raw
but silence didn’t offer mercy
it answered with breath
it pried open my ribs
and forced life back in
my eyes opened
not by choice
heart stuttered
against my will
it beat like a curse
every thud a reminder
that I wasn’t done
I clawed at the edges of nothin
but hell spat me out
sputterin and gaspin
into light too sharp
into a world just keeps turnin
draggin my body with it
as if the air in my lungs
was a goddamn gift

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