Fireflies
She led me to a lonely forest glade, where fireflies flew and faeries might have played,
The brooding sky was blood red, pure delight, the half-light glowed as dusk turned into night,
We lay among white lilies in the mist, she winked and beat her wings before she kissed,
Then whispered sweetest nothings in my ear, the promise dying soldiers yearn to hear.
I savoured evening primrose on her hair, the scent of rose on blushing cheeks so fair,
The silky veil she barely stood within, I felt her heartbeat on me, through her skin.
We talked of love and war and hurt and pain, we wondered ‘dare we dream of peace again?’
She showed me future, wondrous, happy things, engraved in peacock’s eyes upon her wings,
She bid me to lie prone and bare the scar, which tore my chest and belly wide apart,
I screamed her name, Meluse, in agony, as she picked all the shrapnel out of me,
She gently cleansed the bad blood from my chest, then kissed my eyes and said:
‘It’s time to rest.’
She led me to a lonely forest glade, where fireflies flew and faeries might have played…
This is fantastic. I’d never thought of writing rhymed couplets in iambic pentameter, but it works really well! Congratulations!
I beg pardon to submit a suggestion: In “She told me to lay back and bare the scar” the “told me to lay back” doesn’t fit the vocabulary style you’ve established, to my ear. I’d try “bid me to lie prone” instead.
Regardless, this is wonderful.
You’re absolutely right about the scar comment – i shall change it. I rarely write poetry, I prefer storytelling so your kind words ae all the more appreciated, thank you.
The Battle of The Somme liminally remembered. Meluse a rare name with a “prevalance” in South Africa. Meluse, perhaps connected to Melusi.. The meaning of Melusi is “shepherd” or “one who brings peace.” The name is derived from the Zulu word “umelusi,” which means “shepherd.” The South Africans fought at Delville wood during the Somme. This fits the characters whether intended or not. Probably not, but I like rabbit holes.
And I greatly appreciated your poem. Well rendered and rhymed in life and death’s gloaming. Great effort! 👍👍
Thank you so very much for your kind words. Meluse was indeed researched, and intended!
First class writing.
As good as I’ve ever read.
💋
That’s extremely kind of you to say, thank you so much.
This is magical, HJ… brilliant in every respect, captivating and beautiful. You’re also fortunate to have educated readers like Joe and Reggie who add such magnificent and complimentary analysis. How incredible to read this on American Memorial Day as well. I had to do some research as I’m not so familiar with WWI.
There’s a reminiscence of “In Flanders Field” combined with the supernatural that mixes so masterfully.
Thank you very much, Meg. Being over here in England, I had no idea that it was American Memorial Day, I’m so glad to have contributed a few meaningful words.